Supergreens Green Drink

Once an argument has been settled, it's human nature to tuck it away in the back of your mind so you never have to revisit it again. After all, why would you want to stir up all those negative feelings associated with the argument? It's easy to think that only a glutton for punishment would do such a thing--especially if you hold the mindset that arguments are bad for your relationship and should be avoided.

But what if certain arguments are opportunities in disguise? Would you be willing to revisit the argument if that were the case?

Think of an argument as a warning light on your car dashboard. You wouldn't wait for the light to burn out and then assume that the problem has somehow been resolved. You'd need to check the engine and discover the cause of the problem. The same holds true for your relationship.

Certain arguments can become opportunities for growth and for learning (about yourself and your partner). Since conflict often arises because emotional or physical needs go unmet, self-examination goes a long way in discovering which of your (and your partner's) needs are not being satisfied. In this light, arguments are prime opportunities to build a more resilient marriage or relationship.

Solution:

Wait for the embers of an argument to cool off--Once you have gained some emotional distance, ask yourself these three questions (you might get more from this exercise if you journal your responses):

1. What was my primary feeling during the argument (e.g., anger, frustration, hurt, jealousy)?

2. If my primary feeling suddenly vanished, what other feeling(s) would still exist?

3. The final step: use each of the feelings you reported in questions 1 and 2 to complete the following question:

I was feeling ________ because I was needing ________ (focus on you, not your partner--no matter how much you blame him/her for the fight).

Please take your time while answering these questions. You might need to revisit them several times to achieve clarification. Once your needs are self-evident, work on ways to express them as clearly as possible. Share the importance of these needs with your partner and coach him/her on how to meet these needs (don't assume s/he will automatically meet them).

While it isn't realistic (or beneficial) to complete this exercise every time you and your partner don't see eye to eye, it can be helpful to examine the arguments that recur in your marriage or relationship (and never seem to reach resolution) and the fights that cause you to have a particularly strong emotional reaction.

Continue to practice answering these questions over time (and across arguments) and you'll be on your way to greater self-discovery and a more resilient relationship.

To uncover other relationship tips, visit Dr. Nicastro’s website at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for his FREE monthly newsletter. You will also immediately receive two free reports that can help you build the relationship of your dreams.

This Valentines Day, are you hoping that your sweetheart will finally write the love song you've been waiting to hear? Or are you taking a more proactive stance - busy shopping for the language of love that is bound to communicate the depth of your true emotions?

How couples talk with each other is a concrete example of differences between the sexes - and the conversational styles of women and men are often polar opposites. Despite your partner's ongoing support, you may find it difficult to speak about your deepest thoughts. Sometimes, when you just want your husband to listen to how you feel about a situation, you find him intent on fixing what's wrong or finding a solution. Or when your wife asks you what you're thinking and you answer, she goes on and on so that you're sorry you responded in the first place.

Research statistics show that one out of two marriages in the United States ends in divorce. And as a safeguard to this institution, some couples sign a clearly delineated legal pre-nuptial contract. There are other non-verbalized agreements that impact marriages, but are not communicated as directly. For example, "I earn more than you and that gives me greater control over major decisions" is often understood but not considered a topic for conversation. An increase in either trust or tension in the relationship eventually leads to the expression and resolution of these kinds of concerns, one way or the other.

Still other decisions are unconscious, part of the psychological baggage that is carried forward from the family of origin or from previous relationships. For instance, "My father walked out on our family without much of an explanation so, when you're quiet for too long, I get scared" can be an old, deeply embedded emotional script that is left over from childhood. Shaped by earlier experiences and well hidden by defense mechanisms, these entrenched beliefs often continue to drive individual attitudes and behaviors.

Discover the benefit of bringing these emotional influences to conscious awareness. At this time of year, when so much love is in the air, apply the following five tips and let your heart do the talking:

1. Pay attention to the positives in your relationship by noticing the various qualities that bring you pleasure. Discuss these with your partner from time to time and review them often for yourself.

2. When talking quietly together, be willing to reveal your own personal needs and opinions so that he has some access to your subjective world. Encourage him to take a risk and do the same with you.

3. Opposites attract. Genuine mutuality thrives on recognizing the differences in how you communicate. When it's impossible to respect and honor what sets you apart, find the humor in the situation and fall back on laughter.

4. Create a balance between caring for your personal needs and nourishing the well being of your relationship. Take time out of your busy schedules each day to connect and converse about how you can nourish both.

5. Reduce the stress in your lives in order to enjoy fuller and deeper conversations. A minor change in attitude can make your partner more responsive to you and to your needs.

Couples who practice conversational etiquette become more skillful in active listening than in advice giving. Over time, many discover that a commitment to understanding each other's position, especially in conflict, goes a long way. As Indira Gandhi, the former Prime Minister of India, so wisely stated, "You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."

According to Donna, learning to recognize the differences in how she and her husband evaluated and worked through problems made their relationship much stronger. "We resolve conflict by trying to see what the other one needs. We'll go around what we can't agree on and make every effort to reach some compromise. It has taken years, but we've both grown to value our relationship more than being right."

On February 14th, mark your calendar as the first day of the rest of your lives. Cast a love spell in celebration of your relationship. And commit to nurturing a heartfelt connection with your partner through the intimate gift of conversation.

© Her Mentor Center, 2007

I know that this topic will touch a nerve for many people, as it deals with a sacred place, one's home. Nevertheless, home ownership and how we view it must be discussed as America's inner cities are being gentrified at an alarming rate, displacing a large section of our population. Now, I am not hear to argue for or against the practice of gentrification (which involves uprooting the current and typically poorer residents of a "blighted or underutilized" community in favor of wealthier residents by economic forces such as rising rents and higher sales prices for buildings {for both residential as well as commercial}). Nevertheless, there are questions that come to mind as it relates to our community's leadership or lack thereof in this matter, all the while remembering that it is I (collectively, we) that form the community:

What is my and my community's role in the change process occurring in our neighborhood?
What could my community and I have done to prevent these gentrification efforts form occurring?
What can my community and I do today to help curb the situation?
What can my community and I do moving forward, so that we don't find ourselves caught up in this process again?

Before we get into our role in the gentrification of America, there are a couple of things that must be acknowledged. We all must be honest and face certain truths.

America is a capitalist country (whether we agree with it or not), that is loosely based on science's survival of the fittest premise.

Capitalism is an economic system based on one's ability to create and market the value of one's creation to the consumer on the open marketplace for a profit (sales price-cost/expenses=profits).

Those that create more value in any number of areas whether it be clothing products, food products, sporting products, or real estate products tend to ascend to the wealthier ranks of our society, while those who do not tend to occupy the working class or the poorer ranks.

While there are instances when many of us complain about capitalism's "selfish/inhumane" practices, there are other instances when we relish its benefits, even those that many of us take for granted such as having a television, a cell phone, brand name clothing, or a home computer. The truth is that in countries with different economic systems such as China and Cuba, items such as these are not as commonplace as in America. Therefore, I do not advocate demonizing our economic system, instead I encourage you to comprehend its inner workings so that you, your family, your friends, and your community can benefit from it and not fall prey to such things as gentrification.

I say all of this to point out that capitalism has a theme that we all must recognize and utilize if we want to prosper in it. The theme is as follows: Those that create and add value for others in the marketplace will be rewarded with economic success, while those that don't will remain stagnant and fall prey to our economic system. This being said, are you creating and adding value to the marketplace? What are you creating or adding that others will value? These are leadership questions, therefore the gentrification of America can be classified as a leadership issue. Whether it be a leadership issue at the individual or community level is for you to decide, but it is a leadership issue nevertheless. Yes, some of you may want to turn this into a political debate, but it truly is not. While gentrification can be made to be a political debate, at the root of the issue is the individual and the community's choice to create or add value within their neighborhood so that it cannot be deemed blighted or underutilized by locally elected politicians and real estate developers.

You see, gentrification can only occur in neighborhoods where there is low ownership by those that live and do business in the neighborhood. Realize, that when you pay rent, you are at the mercy of the landlord (whether you are a resident or a business owner). At any time, that landlord can decide to raise your rent to the point of pricing you out of the neighborhood in search of higher profits. So, if your locally elected politicians and area real estate developers deem your neighborhood prime real estate for any number of reasons, what do you think that landlord in search of higher profits is going to do in a free market economy like capitalism? What would you do? Even if you don't want to admit it, because in this case capitalism does not work to your advantage, most of us (being totally honest with ourselves) would justify in our minds charging higher rents. And then the dominoes begin to fall. When one landlord gets higher rents from new/wealthier tenants, the rest fall in line, until the previous residents are driven out because of high cost. Now, what was of value in this process? Why, the land of course. The problem is, was this land being valued by its residents prior to gentrification? That is debatable, but do know that if you have little to no ownership, your voice in this debate can be easily silenced. This is the essence of gentrification.

On the contrary, if you owned your home or the building that your business was located in, gentrification would be much more difficult to occur, because locally elected politicians and developers would have to show just cause in order to utilize eminent domain, which involves government buyout of homeowners and building owners in order to use that area of land for the betterment of the public at large. This is not usually an easy case to make, especially if the community joins together to fight the action.

This leads me to ask you a few questions:

Do you own the property where you reside or do business? If not, why?
If your home is supposed to be your castle, what could you be spending your money on that is preventing you from saving the money to own it?
For those of you who say, "I can barely make ends meet." I ask you, are you creating and adding something of value to the marketplace? (Whether it be knowledge, food, jewelry, poetry, anything.) Understand that if you are not, you will remain in this conversation for the foreseeable future, and gentrification will not be your only problem.
Are you staying informed as to what is going on in your neighborhood?
Are you voting (this act alone, holds local politicians in check)? It is well known that communities that have smaller voting turnouts have less political influence then those with higher voter turnouts, because politicians know that there will be little to no repercussions that will hinder future reelection bids if they take actions that are not popular with the low voter turnout communities. Hence, gentrification becomes a viable option in these communities.
Didn't you notice how I've been prefacing the term politician(s) with the words locally elected? I did this because your community allowed the very same politician(s) that are gentrifying your neighborhood to take office by either voting for them or by not voting at all.

Again, whether gentrification is a heartless act against the working class and the poor or revitalizes formerly "blighted or underutilized" real estate is debatable, but what's not debatable is that it occurs randomly. Gentrification is an intentional act by those given the power to take actions such as rezoning and handing out government contracts to real estate developers. Notice, I said those given the power. I say this because gentrification often occurs in:

communities, where the ownership rate by those living and doing business in the community is low.
communities that are perceived as not thriving, blighted, or underutilized by our political leaders.
communities that are not holding their politicians accountable.

This leads to my next point, which is that gentrification does not happen overnight. Not at all. Gentrifying a particular community takes years to come to fruition. So for it to succeed, means that many in the community turned a blind eye, or simply did nothing until it became apparent that the neighborhood had already changed. So, what now? How can a community stave off gentrification when it has already begun to take root? Sadly, it may be too late for some communities. In these communities, soaring housing and property costs have outpaced the indigenous residents' incomes. In addition, the lack of voter turnout for local elections in these communities have often resulted in an inability to pressure locally elected politicians to create significant affordable housing. But it does no good to look backwards at the gentrified communities with regret, instead we must look to the future armed with a better understanding of what it means to vote, to own, to create, and to be a part of a community. Regardless of your community's current situation, we all have to become leaders for ourselves, our children, our communities, and our futures.

We can all start by understanding and by embracing capitalism. This means creating something of value to introduce into the marketplace (within your community as well as outside its borders).
We must encourage others in our community to do the same. We must begin engaging with our local politicians and letting our voice be heard at the voting booth. Let our representatives know that we as well as our constituents will not be supporting any of their future political campaigns if they do not address our housing concerns. And most of all, we must work towards owning where we live and/or do business, this way we keep control of what goes on in our neighborhood. If this means not indulging in some of life's niceties for a while, then so be it. In the long run, we will have acquired a property that will gain in value and security as long as we along with our neighbors add value to the community.

This is our home, our block, our community. This is leadership, America. This is important.

There is a phrase that my brother and I often use. It's called "crushing at the light." What does that mean you ask? Well, it the practice of putting one's money on display for the world to see how "well off" he/she is supposedly doing. A prime example is of this is when an individual pulls up to a stop light in an expensive car, thinking that he/she is better off financially than the individual next to them in a more modest vehicle. In this example, the individual with the more expensive car is crushing the other individual at the light. Now, it may be true that in some cases the individual with the more expensive car is better off financially than the individual in the more modest car, but in many instances that is just not the case.

Books such as The Millionaire Next Door and Rich Dad/Poor Dad, have long argued against the practice of over indulging in material consumption when there is no true wealth behind it, but it seems as though their arguments have fallen on deaf ears in America, as I see luxury car after luxury car racing up and down the streets of New York City. A place where the median salary of $55,000 a year can barley afford you a middle class lifestyle because of the city's exorbitant cost of living expenses. Nevertheless, New Yorkers have been purchasing material items on a constant basis, even putting themselves into extreme financial hardship just to give the appearance of wealth that they really don't have. When I hear of the dismissal savings rate in America, the low 401k balances, and the high credit card debit, it is no surprise. It's all going to support this notion of crushing at the light. The problem is that this way of thinking gives people a false sense of pride and puts them in a very risky financial position, which turns the initial high of purchasing expensive items into an albatross later on. It is no surprise that America finds itself in these trying financial times. There is no financial leadership at the federal , state, or local levels. And there is no financial leadership in many of America's homes.

With inflated home values and easy credit, Americans went wild buying everything their hearts desired. But, that is no longer the case. Crushing at the light is in jeopardy as world markets fear an economic collapse because banks are restricting the free lending they were engaging in for the last 5-7 years. No more easy money. And as home lose value, that means less equity for Americans to spend on over indulgences. What are we to do? How about practicing a little fiscal restraint and save your money? How about practicing some delayed gratification? How about losing the addiction to material consumption?

I argue for something more tangible America. I argue for true wealth accumulation and not this flashy/impostor stuff we have been engaging in. You see, if you are spending on these luxury items, and by no means am I relegating these items to only luxury cars. No, the luxury watches, the luxury apartments, the luxury furnishings, and the mac mansions. Every thing that inhibits your saving and investing is what I am arguing against. Why am I so passionate? I am so passionate because the global dynamics are changing. America is farming out thousands of jobs overseas that will never come back, defined pensions are going by the wayside, as is medical coverage. Once deemed developing nations like China and India are ready to surpass America as economic powers in the coming decades, and many Americans are behaving as though we as a nation can afford to spend like this. What happens if you lose your job today, how would those luxury items support you? What happens if your child gets really sick and your medical coverage doesn't cover the costs, do you think the doctors will take your Gucci shoes as payment? Think America!

I know this might sound ridiculous to many people, but there is a global economic shift occurring, and instead of continuing to spend recklessly for the sake of impressing strangers on the street, saving and investing your hard earned money is what will make you truly wealthy. A man once told me, wealthy people always have their money working for them. What you call extravagant, maybe be pricey to you, but is what they can easily afford to buy without hindering their financial future. Basically, they don't put themselves into risky financial positions for the sake of looking good to others. They understand and value the power of saving and investing, while everyone else is spending in an attempt to mimic their lifestyle.

I ask to all those crushing at the light-Is the car note, insurance, and gas that you are paying for that luxury vehicle hindering your financial future? If you are being honest with yourself and the answer is no then fine, continue to do what you are doing. If the answer is yes, then you need to make a drastic change because very soon, you may find yourself needing the money that you are wasting now.

Save and invest. Learn about the market. Learn about real estate. Learn about money and finance, and then start building true wealth. After you have gotten to a point where your money is working for you, then you can start spending in a responsible way, because your financial future is secure. But anything other than that is just playing with fire.

A pencil portrait drawing from life starts with the "striking" of the arabesque. Striking the arabesque means drawing the outer contour of the head with the correct proportions, shape, and thecorrect symmetry.

Once you have drawn a reasonably correct arabesque it is time to locate the main landmarks of the head. That means that we will appropriately locate the most significant places of the head. These places will then be used as references for mapping out the rest of the head features.

Here is something that may help you with this task: work with your eyes somewhat out-of-focus. This is called seeing with a "soft eye". Somehow this makes it easier to appropriately decide forms and sizes. It also helps you with suppressing the set notions we all have of certain entities.

Let us imagine that we are working from a three-quarter head profile.

* The Brow Ridge - is the first significant landmark. To place the brow ridge you must first take your best estimate at where you think it is and only then test it by sighting.

Note that to coach your eyes it is better to first estimate lengths, angles, etc. and verify them second. There is nothing to gain from pre- sighting.

Sighting signifies to use your pencil with locked arm and marking lengths along the pencil with your thumb and index finger and one eye closed.

So then, first sight from the bottom of the chin to a point on the brow ridge (just choose an random point on the ridge. But once chosen you should hold on to it.

Now raise your pencil so that your thumb is on your point on the brow ridge and note where your pencil tip is. It should be a tiny distance above the top of the head. Mark on your drawing where you can best place that spot above the head. This point is called the "check-point".

Note that whenever there is a choice, you should always measure the smallest distance because doing so tends to be more accurate.

Your point on the brow ridge should, if it was placed appropriately, be exactly halfway between the bottom of the chin and your check-point. If it is not then improve the placement of your brow ridge.

* Jaw Hinge - Now you can fix the width of the face. In the three-quarter pose the hinge of the jaw is an essential landmark. Again, take your best estimate then check by sighting horizontally from the hinge of the jaw to the far edge of the cheek bone and vertically relating that measure from the bottom of the chin.

* Top Nasal Bone - Since we have already positioned the brow ridge we now only have to guess a short measure to find the top of the nose bone. If you placed the hinge of the jaw appropriately, it should equal the measure from the bottom of the chin to the nose bone. If you are off a bit, then correct the placement of the hinge of the jaw. Again, imagine that the smallest length estimated is the accurate one.

Now that these prime landmarks are positioned you can further work out the arabesque. I find it best to further resolve only the back, less, part of the head at this early time.

* Facial Angle - Lastly, you need to locate the facial angle which is the center line of the face. Sketch a slightly arching line from the middle of the mental tubercle up through the center of the brow ridge.

The placement of the facial angle is very significant. You have to feel your way through this as there is no way to rightly measure it.

Once the facial angle is positioned proceed with resolving the arabesque carefully observing the shape of the mouth region, the forehead, and all other features that are expressed in the shape of the arabesque.

With this, we have positioned all the essential landmarks that will help us with the mapping of the rest of the features such as the ears and nose.

Quick fixes are a way of life and there are plenty of folks ready to offer you their version. The pineapple diet, the watermelon diet, the Beverly Hills diet were, thank God, a flash in the pan.

Today, with the ineptness of mainstream medicine and health care creating an exodus from their ways, millions are searching for an alternative. The public's belief that others can heal them, help them lose weight and extend their lives makes them prime targets for every new magic bullet. Marketers, sales people and corporations do not want you to know this pure and simple truth: No one can bring you health but yourself.

Unfortunately, when lethargy sets in and responsibility becomes something you heard about from your grandparents, it is unfathomable for you to consider there is no short cut to fix your ills. Free enterprise with all of its benefits also trickles down its fraud. The collapse of the economy is reflective of the collapse of your health. When you constantly expect others to clean up your mess while you are speeding down the highway with your hands off the wheel, how can you be so delusional?

We have to return to good sense and simple thought. Any process program, therapy, treatment, or philosophy that claims you do not have to participate to gain results, is a false front for some manipulative money-grubbing individual or group. From pills that extend your penis to capsules that reduce weight while you sleep, people are apparently suckers since they are not able to depend on their own good judgment. Fasting books that purport you can lose weight by drinking only water, obviously do not consider the internal mechanism that makes the body regain more weight than was lost stemming from our ancestors' rhythms of famine and feast. Others vaguely describe diets that resemble ethnic cuisine and fabricate health claims out of mid air. There are even those who create quasi science stating that when you cook something you gain more benefit or that when you blend something, it does not oxidize and kill most of the nutrients. Walk carefully through the minefields of fabrication, innuendo, make-believe science and marketers' sales pitches.

Contemplating your next move must be confusing. The perpetual and relentless force-fed education we have had in becoming consumers makes us susceptible. Our entire western economy would collapse if we all decided to get off the merry-go-round and go back to simple living. Our intellect, which sadly has quite often been molded by a faulty educational system, leads us to believe we are smarter today than in bygone years. Any congruent and conscious observer would challenge this idea. Sadly, much of what we have been taught limits us from thinking beyond the self-imposed borders society maintains.

"Everyone gets old and sick, as we age. We all gain weight. Losing our memory is quite natural. Nutrition has nothing to do with health and aging." These are just a few examples of the nonsense corporate greed mongers promote. We know that you think you are an independent thinker and that none of this could possibly be true about you. Reconsider. We are all products of the consumption machine, and unconsciously shuffle through the restless, un-fulfilling world of the latest and greatest.

We have attempted to analyze and review many of the diets and programs popular today. Most with their fractional contribution fall far short of their promised results. We are so far off track that the starting point is a vague image that is surrealistic. The NOW seems to be so real, when in fact it lacks substance. Combining current knowledge with traditional common sense creates the formula necessary to live a pure, powerful life. There is nothing wrong with exploring ideas and philosophies, but there is something wrong when you adopt them without thoroughly understanding them. Your main objective should be to refine your intuition and instinct.

Make sure that you reflect upon what you need and experiment with diet and lifestyle only if you are not facing considerable health issues. When trying to squelch disease, you must choose a platinum level program. Hippocrates' living food diet not only provides the most vitamins, minerals, trace minerals, proteins and fatty acids, it also contributes the pinnacle hormones, oxygen, phytochemicals and enzymes that build immunity, anatomy, biochemistry and improve psychology. This way of life has helped thousands to save their lives, but more importantly, to improve them. The planet is similar to a microscopic cesspool assaulting even the healthiest among us. Maintaining stability and health at this time is at best difficult. This is why disease is ramped, why new disorders pop up constantly, and why the youngest among us are the most afflicted. The average person spends most of his or her time half-asleep, bouncing from work to home and believing that the level of sickness he or she feels is normal.

Worse, most people think that when you age, a gathering of forces naturally takes away vitality, health and memory. You must once again awaken the burning spirit you had from inspired times of your youth. You need to focus on that area in yourself that cannot be fooled. You must expect to live to your fullest, well into your golden years or you will bring about your own failures and eventual demise. The path back to health has been forged for you. You just have to have the self- respect and where-with-all to follow the living food lifestyle.

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